How I learned to stop worrying and love the car horn

As my time in Atlanta draws to a close, I figured I’d reflect on one of America’s great pastimes—driving (sorry, no baseball fanatics here). Long have the beatniks and hitchhikers of old romanticized the American highway system, from Route 66 on to California’s Pacific Coast Highway and—my own true love—the Blue Ridge Parkway. Though not as delicate as Keats’s “Ode to a Grecian Urn”, or as beautifully honest as Kerouac’s own travel memoirs, I figured I’d pay tribute to my favorite part of living in Atlanta (note: sarcasm).

Adopting the Buzzfeed-style “listicle” narrative, here are 30 things that I'd compare to driving in Atlanta:

1. Running out of hot water in the shower.
2. Getting shampoo in your eyes after you've run out of hot water in the shower.
3. Having to wait in line for coffee.
4. Having to wait in a line with screaming children.
5. Forgetting your wallet at home.
6. Forgetting your phone at home.
7. Accidentally dropping and shattering your phone.
8. Doing your taxes.
9. Applying for financial aid.
10. Applying to jobs.
11. Going to a doctor's office.
12. Having a tooth pulled.
13. Slamming your finger in a car door.
14. Getting a flat tire.
15. Getting the middle seat on a plane.
16. Being thrown up on on a plane.
17. Only being able to listen to Nickelback for the rest of your life.
18. Having to use dial-up Internet for the rest of your life.
19. Having to watch those Sarah McLachlan commercials about abused puppies and kittens.
20. Watching the Red Wedding for the first time.
21. Watching Se7en for the first time.
22. Only being able to watch Will Ferrell movies for the rest of your life.
23. Only being able to listen to country music for the rest of your life (yes, I'm a bad southerner).
24. Having your seat kicked throughout your 2.5 hour captivity in a movie theater.
25. Going on a date to Chuck-e-Cheese.
26. Going on a date with a misogynist.
27. Sitting next to someone with really strong BO.
28. Sitting next to someone wearing $0.99 perfume.
29. Having to get out of bed.
30. Having to get out of bed knowing you have to deal with Atlanta drivers.

Cheers to another week of necessarily excessive horn use and figuring out new ways to spin my favorite four-letter words into intricate tapestries of inaudible road rage.